My private shame–having an abortion


For some of us out there, including me, having an abortion was one of the most difficult, and most shameful, events that happened in my young adult life.  And, for a very long time I hid that fact from family, friends, and my spouse.  I was so ashamed of it that I had to walk into the other room when a commercial came on television discussing the topic. When the nurse came into my hospital room immediately before the birth of my first child and asked me how many pregnancies versus live births I had, my stomach sank to the ground.  I felt condemned, ashamed, and empty.

I recall painful memories of entering the abortion clinic and facing angry mobs of men and women with signs and pictures of dead babies shouting “Murderer!”  What was most painful for me was not what I saw or heard, but the fact that I believed that what these individuals were saying was true, and I would pay for my actions for the rest of my life.

Regardless of what side of the ideological fence you may stand on (i.e. Pro-life, Pro-choice, or pro or anti-nothing), the fact still remains that there are millions of women out there that have undergone this procedure and still bear the painful scars that accompanied that choice. To heal those scars does not require that you agree with a woman’s decision to have an abortion; but it does beg for the kind of healing, acceptance, and restoration that is difficult to reach if that woman feels constantly condemned.

I could have stayed in the closet about this for the rest of my life, and chose not to bear the public eye peering into and perhaps judging my personal life. But I believe that there are other sisters out there that, like me, want to be healed from the shame and hurt that accompanies their past.  If you are one of those women, I invite you to reply to this post and to provide feedback, support and love for those seeking to be free from condemnation. For those women that need healing from their past decisions, I also invite you to pray this prayer with me:

Lord Jesus, I ask that you come into my heart, be the Lord of my life, and forgive me for the decisions of my past. I know that my decision to have an abortion was not in your perfect will, and as a result of my decision I have carried shame, hurt, and emptiness.  I ask that you not only forgive me for my actions, but that you heal and restore my spirit, mind, and body.  Allow me to feel your love, acceptance, and forgiveness and to forgive myself and others for my decision. Empower me to share a message of restoration and hope with others in a similar situation.  In Jesus’s name, Amen.

To be clear, I am not trying to change your mind about this important and charged topic.This is also not a forum to debate the merits of the pro-choice or pro-life positions. I am, however, asking you to allow the love and compassion of Christ to come into your heart so that you may share His plan of restoration and healing with other women.

I can say that through prayer, reading the Bible, and hearing the Word of God I have been able to forgive myself for my actions and move forward with my life, including raising my two beautiful sons. 

Again, ladies if abortion was a part of your journey, I invite you to comment and share your story.  If you have a message of empowerment, love, and healing for others please share those comments as well, but PLEASE NO JUDGMENTAL OR CONDEMNING POSTS!

In the Bible, Romans 8:1 (NIV) says “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….” Let us accept Jesus Christ and walk free from the guilt and shame of our past. Let us hold our heads high, knowing that our past does not define or limit our future success and happiness.




4 thoughts on “My private shame–having an abortion

  1. Carol Bedford-Wright says:

    I myself have not personally experienced abortion; however, many, many, many other women I know have for “various” reasons., including being “medically” necessary. Regardless to what the reason was; I KNOW that God is Faithful! As we as God’s children repent and ask for His Divine Forgiveness, we must remember that He is Absolute and Complete! God’s forgiveness not only washes us white as snow in whatever transgression we may have committed through thought, word and/or deed; we are exonerated! As we embark on the “journey” towards a closer relationship/walk with Christ, we must allow HIM to mold and shape us into what He wants us to be. God takes off the old man so that the new man rises up to fulfill the call on their life! As you stated the Bible says, “Therefore there is no more condemnation.” Why? Because the “evidence” has been removed by the Blood of Jesus! If God does not condemn, we certainly have no right to condemn others, and/or condemn ourselves… Thank you for sharing so that others know that, “Whom the Son Sets Free Is Free Indeed!” We want to continue to Grow, Be, and Do what God has set for us to do… Much Love, EC

  2. Corey Foster says:

    Wow!!! I remember sitting there asking God to send him or her back to us. I think God honored my request. We have awesome sons, full of life and the fear of God. We were kids trying to graduate from college, nothing to feel ashamed about. Every time I see the ads, I pray, “God guard her heart.” God’s has done more than that. I read these blogs with amazement, because I remember, and never lost faith in God’s grace. Keep posting!!!

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