Calling all single ladies!!
As the popular Beyonce song goes, there are many of us that are not in a committed or marital relationship at the moment. For some women, being single is a conscious choice that they are both comfortable with and embrace. For other women, the status of being single is the result of the death of a spouse or significant other. For most women, however (and perhaps more so today than at any other time in history), they desire to be in a committed, loving relationship but have not identified or connected with the man that God has designed specifically for them.
It is very difficult for women to endure the lonely days and nights that sometimes accompanies “singleness,” especially if they have children that also desire to connect with a positive male role model. For some women, walking in the mall or on the street and seeing a couple holding hands or showing affection causes them to feel depressed, sad, and desperate. To counter the loneliness that we feel, many of us women attach ourselves to men that were never designed to be our mate, and find ourselves in an unequally yoked relationship.
Waiting on The Lord for your husband can be a challenging endeavor, but more so if you do not meditate on God’s word and pray regularly. Do you ever experience certain times of the day (maybe evenings for my fellow mothers out there!), certain places, or certain people that cause you to cry, wishing you had someone to hold you, love you, and share in your interests? Do you look back on your life with regret and hurt feelings because you may have had a relationship with the “perfect guy” and he got away? Has God promised or showed you your future mate, but due to circumstances beyond your control you must wait to be with him?
These scenarios and more play out in the hearts and minds of single women all day, every day, and can, if unmanaged, cause us to live in a place of aloneness, depression, and bitterness. That bitterness not only affects us, but it affects our children, our families, our co-workers and our friends–people that love us and deeply care about us. If we are focused solely of ourselves, we can easily fall into the trap of self-pity, doubt, and lack of expectation that good things will come our way.
To begin to confront this issue, it is important to first understand the purpose of marriage, as outlined in Genesis 2:18 (NIV):
“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
As women, our job is to help our husbands, by being a safe place, shelter, and protection for them and their feelings and emotions. We must cover their weaknesses, and provide them with the security and comfort of a loving environment. Last but not least, we must respect our husbands, submit to them in love, and act in a way that honors them and God.
Second, we must be honest with ourselves and God concerning our past relationship failures and what, if anything, we can do to develop into the “Wife of Noble Character” found in Proverbs Ch. 31. For some of us, it means honoring God with our bodies and reserving them for our future husbands. For others, it may be necessary to attend anger management or conflict resolution classes to better communicate with the opposite sex. Still for others, it may be beneficial to engage with a group of single or married women to share stories and obtain insight into ways to move away from past hurts and abandonment and learn to love again. To put it simply, honesty will mean something different for all of us.
Third, we must throw away the baggage of our past relationships and commit ourselves to living Godly, fulfilled lives, whether we ever marry (or remarry). Don’t think that because your past relationships did not last or were otherwise deemed “unsuccessful” that you will never love again. NOT TRUE! It could be that you were not married to the man that God has designed for you. It could be that the timing or circumstances in which you engaged in that previous relationship was unhealthy or otherwise not in accordance with God’s word. Still yet, it could be because you were not self-aware, mature or ready to accept responsibility for managing a healthy relationship.
If you believe that some or all of your behaviors may have contributed in some way to the demise of past relationships, or are standing in the way of your present quest to find true and lasting love, pray this prayer with me:
Lord Jesus, I desire to be a woman that is pleasing to you and pleasing to the man that you have designed for me. Lord, I recognize that my actions, behaviors, and attitudes, past or present, have and can hinder me in my walk with you and in my future relationships and I desire to change. Reveal in me the things that interfere with my ability or desire to sustain positive relationships with those around me, and give me your divine grace to move past those challenges to live a life that is pleasing to you and joy-filled for me and those around me. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
Whether God ever reveals your mate to you, or sends you that perfect, Denzel Washington or Matthew McConaughey kind of guy, commit to loving yourself and being satisfied in God. Now, I did not say that watching a movie alone on a Saturday night while your girlfriends are on a date is the easiest thing to do. Because let’s face it ladies, most of us IF WE WANTED TO could pick up any random guy and hang out with him. Many times, that is how we think, and eventually we wear down and date a guy that WE KNOW is not THAT GUY, just to have company or a date to the next work event.
However, if you are like me and endeavoring to finally have a relationship that last and is blessed by God, you must accept the lonely feelings when they come and then speak God’s word over how you feel. For example, if I say “Man, nobody loves me. I will never be happy,” I can counter that with Psalm 33:18 (NIV): “But the eyes of The Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.” To engage fruitfully in any relationship, we must learn who we are in God and then affirm that knowledge by reading scripture, praying and hearing the word of God on a consistent basis.
Remember, you do not have to covet your girlfriend’s 20-year marriage or compare your situation to the couple sitting next to you. We are each on our own journey, and the marvelous part about being on a journey is that there is still time left to correct our past mistakes and live a life of love, for ourselves and those around us. Sisters, let’s support one another and find the beauty in being sold out and totally committed to God. For if we can learn to be fully satisfied in Him, His word says that he will give us the very desires of our hearts. See Psalm 37:4 (NIV).
Sisters, please share your “single lady” stories and ways that you have learned to live a life of wholeness and happiness in Christ. Let’s learn from one another and lean on each other for support. To our married sisters, feel free to post your comments as well and encourage us with your “happily ever after” story.
Much love, Anique