“All the Single Ladies!”

Calling all single ladies!!

As the popular Beyonce song goes, there are many of us that are not in a committed or marital relationship at the moment. For some women, being single is a conscious choice that they are both comfortable with and embrace. For other women, the status of being single is the result of the death of a spouse or significant other. For most women, however (and perhaps more so today than at any other time in history), they desire to be in a committed, loving relationship but have not identified or connected with the man that God has designed specifically for them.

It is very difficult for women to endure the lonely days and nights that sometimes accompanies “singleness,” especially if they have children that also desire to connect with a positive male role model. For some women, walking in the mall or on the street and seeing a couple holding hands or showing affection causes them to feel depressed, sad, and desperate. To counter the loneliness that we feel, many of us women attach ourselves to men that were never designed to be our mate, and find ourselves in an unequally yoked relationship.

Waiting on The Lord for your husband can be a challenging endeavor, but more so if you do not meditate on God’s word and pray regularly. Do you ever experience certain times of the day (maybe evenings for my fellow mothers out there!), certain places, or certain people that cause you to cry, wishing you had someone to hold you, love you, and share in your interests? Do you look back on your life with regret and hurt feelings because you may have had a relationship with the “perfect guy” and he got away? Has God promised or showed you your future mate, but due to circumstances beyond your control you must wait to be with him?

These scenarios and more play out in the hearts and minds of single women all day, every day, and can, if unmanaged, cause us to live in a place of aloneness, depression, and bitterness. That bitterness not only affects us, but it affects our children, our families, our co-workers and our friends–people that love us and deeply care about us. If we are focused solely of ourselves, we can easily fall into the trap of self-pity, doubt, and lack of expectation that good things will come our way.

To begin to confront this issue, it is important to first understand the purpose of marriage, as outlined in Genesis 2:18 (NIV):

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

As women, our job is to help our husbands, by being a safe place, shelter, and protection for them and their feelings and emotions. We must cover their weaknesses, and provide them with the security and comfort of a loving environment. Last but not least, we must respect our husbands, submit to them in love, and act in a way that honors them and God.

Second, we must be honest with ourselves and God concerning our past relationship failures and what, if anything, we can do to develop into the “Wife of Noble Character” found in Proverbs Ch. 31. For some of us, it means honoring God with our bodies and reserving them for our future husbands. For others, it may be necessary to attend anger management or conflict resolution classes to better communicate with the opposite sex. Still for others, it may be beneficial to engage with a group of single or married women to share stories and obtain insight into ways to move away from past hurts and abandonment and learn to love again. To put it simply, honesty will mean something different for all of us.

Third, we must throw away the baggage of our past relationships and commit ourselves to living Godly, fulfilled lives, whether we ever marry (or remarry). Don’t think that because your past relationships did not last or were otherwise deemed “unsuccessful” that you will never love again. NOT TRUE! It could be that you were not married to the man that God has designed for you. It could be that the timing or circumstances in which you engaged in that previous relationship was unhealthy or otherwise not in accordance with God’s word. Still yet, it could be because you were not self-aware, mature or ready to accept responsibility for managing a healthy relationship.

If you believe that some or all of your behaviors may have contributed in some way to the demise of past relationships, or are standing in the way of your present quest to find true and lasting love, pray this prayer with me:

Lord Jesus, I desire to be a woman that is pleasing to you and pleasing to the man that you have designed for me. Lord, I recognize that my actions, behaviors, and attitudes, past or present, have and can hinder me in my walk with you and in my future relationships and I desire to change. Reveal in me the things that interfere with my ability or desire to sustain positive relationships with those around me, and give me your divine grace to move past those challenges to live a life that is pleasing to you and joy-filled for me and those around me. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.

Whether God ever reveals your mate to you, or sends you that perfect, Denzel Washington or Matthew McConaughey kind of guy, commit to loving yourself and being satisfied in God. Now, I did not say that watching a movie alone on a Saturday night while your girlfriends are on a date is the easiest thing to do. Because let’s face it ladies, most of us IF WE WANTED TO could pick up any random guy and hang out with him. Many times, that is how we think, and eventually we wear down and date a guy that WE KNOW is not THAT GUY, just to have company or a date to the next work event.

However, if you are like me and endeavoring to finally have a relationship that last and is blessed by God, you must accept the lonely feelings when they come and then speak God’s word over how you feel. For example, if I say “Man, nobody loves me. I will never be happy,” I can counter that with Psalm 33:18 (NIV): “But the eyes of The Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.” To engage fruitfully in any relationship, we must learn who we are in God and then affirm that knowledge by reading scripture, praying and hearing the word of God on a consistent basis.

Remember, you do not have to covet your girlfriend’s 20-year marriage or compare your situation to the couple sitting next to you. We are each on our own journey, and the marvelous part about being on a journey is that there is still time left to correct our past mistakes and live a life of love, for ourselves and those around us. Sisters, let’s support one another and find the beauty in being sold out and totally committed to God. For if we can learn to be fully satisfied in Him, His word says that he will give us the very desires of our hearts. See Psalm 37:4 (NIV).

Sisters, please share your “single lady” stories and ways that you have learned to live a life of wholeness and happiness in Christ. Let’s learn from one another and lean on each other for support. To our married sisters, feel free to post your comments as well and encourage us with your “happily ever after” story.

Much love, Anique

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5 thoughts on ““All the Single Ladies!”

  1. Uchenna Jones says:

    First off I have to thank the good Lord for patience. I spent many nights praying and asking God for my mate. I am glad that I had all the years to get to know myself. I did not get married until the age of 33. I met James, my husband, when I was 29 while in nursing school. At that i had recently recovered from jumping out of a burning building! I also sustained a broken right leg. I finally healed from it and decided to have a bday party to celebrate my healing!! At the time he managed a store where I ordered 200 balloons for the event. He was kind enough to ensure that all 200 balloons made it!! He even decorated the hall. So I was so surprised when I walked in to see how beautiful the hall was. It was on the dance floor when I realized how much I liked him. James made sure everyone was comfortable and had a good time. From there we got to know each other. We spent a lot of time talking and sharing our vision about our future. One night we were at dinner and James began to share with me what God had placed on his heart. It was at this time he expressed an interest in me. I did not see this coming and was very overwhelmed. James revealed to me conversations/prayers that I had only with God. So imagine my surprise/total shock when he brought it to my attention!!!! He ended the conversation by saying he will wait for me!!! No man ever said that to me!! In that moment i was speechless. He was such a gentleman about it all. Shortly after we began dating. Our time was 4 years. During this time we learned what it meant to love and be loved. We also learned how to align ourselves with what God said was acceptable and pleasing. We also had a great support system and lots of prayers from friends and family. He proposed on April 15, 2012. We learned how faith, hope and love can develop into a commitment. It is so true that “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:21, 22 KJV) Lastly, it was by God’s grace that on September 15, 2012 we got married 🙂 🙂 🙂 Since then it has been pure bliss. I am living off the answered prayers I prayed when I was younger!! Also I encourage all women who desire to be a wife to be equipped in having “ashy knees”. As a newly married woman my greatest strength and fight has come from being on my knees seeking God’s face about my husband and family!! This walk is not for the weak but for those that can endure and trust God knowing that He will not fail you!!! Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4. I am a living witness to that!!!! Be encouraged 🙂

    • Uchenna, thank you very much for sharing your powerful testimony of love, strength, and belief in God concerning your mate! Your words are so encouraging!! May God continue to bless you and your husband, and keep sharing!!

  2. Carol Bedford-Wright says:

    When I began to read your blog, I could hear the Beyoncé song in the back of my head and began to do the “dance moves” I saw her do on Good Morning America! Too Funny!:-) (I could “bust a move” back in the day!:-) Anyway… I was so blessed to read what God has laid on your heart to share with others. In all that we do we are to do with/in Excellence, because we serve the Excellency!

    Pertaining to “single women,” or women in general (married, widowed, etc.), it is imperative that All place God first! The Bible says, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness…” There are many “married” women who are in “single” relationships because the Love of God is either not present or focal in their relationships. How can you love someone if you do not have/know the Agape Love: Jesus Christ?! Even though we consider it a “status;” being single to me can also be a state of mind or being… I believe that marriage is a purposeful coming together that brings Glory to God and not just self-indulgence. The “purposed” man and woman when united in marriage are like a match and matchbook. Apart they still serve a purpose; but united they ignite a work that is needed in the Earth! I believe that too many times people come together in matrimony to then separate from the purpose and plan God has for them to do; To share love with others. They too often become “islands” within themselves…

    In closing (I could write a book about this!:-), my marital status has not impacted me in my life, or changed who I was. I have been “single, married, divorced, and re-married” but it did not dictate who I was, or how God saw me. I truly believe that for a period of time in my life God “kept” me unmarried. Why? To show other women by example that their value is not wrapped up in a title (Miss., Ms. or Mrs.). Although others may have thought different about me, and included or dis-included me based on my “current” marital status; it didn’t faze me! When you have the Holy Spirit, you have the “2 or 3,” which enables God to be in the midst! As Jesus told the people: ‘I Am about My Father’s Business!’ God is no respecter of title or position, but He has given each and every one of us an assignment. When we are about His business (which goes back to “Seeking Him first…”); God will give us the desires of our heart! If you desire to have a husband, God will present you’re “King” (not Prince) Charming at the “appointed time.” God brought my high-school sweetheart back to me after 30 years… without he or I looking for each other!

    Remember: Those who have Christ are not alone, and will Never, EVER, EVER be alone. Be and Do the Best, as you “Represent” The Absolute Best God! I Love you…

    • Excellent post Carol Bedford-Wright! God has truly blessed you with insight and wisdom concerning what it means to be single and how beautiful it is to share God’s love in the bond of marriage. Please continue to share your stories on this blog so we can all be empowered!

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